So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
