look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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