Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
