Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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