u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
