bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
