I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
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3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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