WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
