Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
