Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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