I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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