Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
