i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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