whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
