In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
