I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize