I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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