i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
