If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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