when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
