The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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