This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
