Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
