i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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