we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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