Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You took a bar mat shot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
