her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
