Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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