literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
