you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
