i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
