Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize