I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
