i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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