Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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