I hate all girls vehemently.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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