and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
