do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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