In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
