Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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