Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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