there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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