You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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