Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
