Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
