she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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