Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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