Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
