As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
3pm strippers are depressing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
