Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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