I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
