Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
