Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
