So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We had to coat check the pizza.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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