Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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