Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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