in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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