I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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