I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
