let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
