I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
