Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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