so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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