Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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