hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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