I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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