Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
